You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
