Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
