hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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