dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize