I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
