True but thats because hes a fetus.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
