Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Randomize