i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
