my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Randomize
