No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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