Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
