You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
