Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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