You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Boobs speak an international language.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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