I didn't shave. On purpose
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
