I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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