my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
