Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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