John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
