things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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