i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
