I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
