You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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