No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
