So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
