i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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