Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
