I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
