Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
