I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
