Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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