It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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