Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
there is glitter all over my balls
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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