Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
