I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
