Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
