No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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