I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize