Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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