KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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