Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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