imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
