You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
