And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
