I should be sponsored by Trojan
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
