i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
