I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
