guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
