a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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