also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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