remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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