he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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