Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
