Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
