Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
