He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
