I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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