about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
