Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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