White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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