i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
