Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
This is not my ceiling
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
