there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
