I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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