I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Randomize