I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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