I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We're too hungover to prance.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
