RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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