I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
