I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Randomize
