Pappa wants mamma naked
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
sick fucks of a feather flock together
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
