I wannas sexs uuuuu
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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