I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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