don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
