Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
