He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
