Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
