Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Don't EVER smell your tampon
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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