do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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