Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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