at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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