On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
