How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize