I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
