So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
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