It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Sorry about my life...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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