This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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