yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
How does one acquire holy water?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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