So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
