.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
