i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
