biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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