i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
