So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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