butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
