Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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