Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
