Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
