I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
