you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
