You're my little dorito
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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