How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
