Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
