Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
