You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Randomize
