I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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