My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
