the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
