its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
