why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
