clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
