yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
