No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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