You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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