How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
