I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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