dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
