Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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