When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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