I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
