Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
