Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
