It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize