This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize