I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
