I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
