Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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