I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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