i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize