I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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