The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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